Dr. Laurie Moroco: 0:00

You know, as we're approaching some crazy times, social media is accountable for 29% of civil discourse that we can be for behind the screen and nobody can see us, would you say that same thing to somebody's face, like we talked about earlier. So if you wouldn't say it to their face, and don't say behind their back, or don't say it on social media, because that's a big culprit of people, just not being very civil to each other, about, you know, peace and harmony, and let's just all get along and work together. And at the end of the day, we'd go home and not think about it. But when we're together, we have to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

Craig Pretzinger: 0:43

Insurance dudes are on a mission to escape being handcuffed by our agencies

Jason Feltman: 0:49

now, by uncovering the secrets to creating a predictable, consistent, and profitable agency Sales Machine.

Craig Pretzinger: 0:57

I am Craig Pretzinger.

Jason Feltman: 0:58

I am Jason Feldman. We are agents. We are insurances.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 1:05

So so many things are going on in my mind right now, the reason we do and I asked my students all the time in the classroom, why are we nicer to strangers at the grocery store than we are to our own loved ones? And yes, like,

Craig Pretzinger: 1:18

well, the people in the grocery store are much nicer than our loved ones are.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 1:25

For some reason, we just want to say face with people that we don't know. And we generally our family, even if we have fights with them, we know they're still going to be there tomorrow, generally speaking. And so they're kind of like that's our release, like we I read a statistic the other day about kids and they come home from school and they dump all over their moms because it's a safe space. And they can kind of like let loose the whole day Gunny soccer kitchen sink, like throw everything out that happened that day and, and the moms like okay, like it's just my toddler at school, they're having a tantrum, temper tantrum. So it's kind of the same way with adults and loved ones, like you're just going on leash on your wife, because you know, you can write like, it may not be the most effective form of communication. But in the end, you know, you'll get over it and everything will be fine, but

Jason Feltman: 2:13

heard that. How do you curb the cycle?

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 2:15

Oh, my gosh. A lot. Therapy.

Jason Feltman: 2:21

Is this because I'm sure a lot of agents do this. Right. Yeah.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 2:27

Yeah, I think it's always starting. So I can give you the little assertion message if you want my little technique. So it's Yeah, and all it's like it's a it's called Bolton's three part assertion message. I did not invent this, but I use it all the time and give credit to

Craig Pretzinger: 2:44

Bolton. Credit to you. Okay, it's so

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 2:47

it's three simple sentences. And you already said it, I feel or I think, whatever, you know, so if I were your wife, I'd be like, you know, I really am frustrated. And then the second part is when you when you come home and just dump all over me. non threatening communication, because because I really don't deserve that. And I want to be treated the way you treat other people. So it's, I feel when you because and not generally tends to work and defuse the situation and make people less defensive. Because you're owning your feelings.

Craig Pretzinger: 3:26

Yeah, they can't take your feelings away from you. You feel the way you feel

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 3:30

aren't wrong. I always say, tell me that my feelings are wrong or that way like I really do feel that way.

Craig Pretzinger: 3:35

And that's what what is it called diminishment? No, not diminishing district, not something your feelings? Disregarding? There's like a term? Yeah. Anyway. Oh, I

Jason Feltman: 3:45

love that. What's

Craig Pretzinger: 3:47

interesting, though, is like this stuff is so powerful communication, right? And communication is the root of many issues in everything, right? Whether it's 1000, or in business, like we send a message, but it doesn't get received the right way. And then, or it doesn't get received in the way that we intended it to be received. And now it blows up. And what's interesting, and I mean, I look back to college and the business school, like I think I had one communication class one, right. And we didn't even pay attention because everybody's like, Oh, it's communications, right? Really, at the end of the day, it could be the most powerful course that you have, because I don't I mean, do I remember my internet marketing class from 2001? Doesn't even apply? No, right? Like, none of the stuff really applies any of that crap, right? Maybe the math and Okay, so some of it's important, but, but we don't teach emotion. We don't teach emotional intelligence. We don't teach any of these things that are probably the most important tools for sales for interacting and relationships and for just operating.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 4:53

Well true. If you look at job ads, like 90 5% of them ask for excellent written communication skills. And that's not in there as filler. Regardless of what i Another thing I do is I ask people, you know, you're taking this communication class, how many of you think you need this? You know, how many of you are gonna go into a job where you think you will never need to communicate? And everybody was like, No, I'm done. So I'm like, Okay, if you have to do a presentation, you need public speaking skills, communication. If you're in sales, you need a persuasion class communication. You know, and I could go on and on and on right about it. But yeah, conflict management and relationship, working with people tricky. I mean, even if you're working remote and you're behind your computer, you're still probably communicating with somebody on the other side. Yeah. So I think it's the most important skill ever, but I don't know. Thank you, for acknowledging that it's important. You know,

Craig Pretzinger: 5:54

it's the root, right? It's the root of so many issues, because we're trained, everything's trained on the left brain, unless you're an artist or something, right, or musician, but like, we don't do any work on the right brain on the right side. It's fascinating, like, why wouldn't we work on the thing that is actually probably the most important the left side wasn't even like it? This is new, right? Like, the rest of it is is like the true essence.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 6:20

Absolutely. And if we want to have the best relationships, we can, personally and professionally, it's a constant state of just working on it. Like we're always evolving. As for

Craig Pretzinger: 6:31

there's the issue, right? It's constant work. It is where we get lazy, we want instant gratification, you don't get instant gratification if you have to constantly work. Right? Right. You got to train yourself. Absolutely.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 6:45

Absolutely.

Jason Feltman: 6:46

It is funny, because we had Dr. Nicole price on last episode about empathy. And we're just diving a little bit more into communication, and just really like thinking about this stuff. Because like, a we talk to ourselves in our head. Yes, a lot. We do, right? There, we say

Craig Pretzinger: 7:05

a lot of bad stuff to ourselves.

Jason Feltman: 7:07

That's what I was gonna say. It's like, it's shocking some of the stuff that if you really think about it, that you would never say that to another person. But you say, Oh, I suck at this will tell somebody else they suck at that.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 7:21

You would never Yeah. And so

Craig Pretzinger: 7:24

there's that ego,

Jason Feltman: 7:26

there's your team that you're talking to daily. And then there's the clients that you have and the clients that you want. Like, that's, that's, that sums up everything a business, minus minus the process, or the product that you might have. But like, right, it's also the hardest thing to navigate. And like, if we get that, right, we put more energy and focus, we're exponentially going to be better at our business.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 7:55

And the more you know, the better you can be. And I think that's why people bring in people like me, intuitively, we know that, but sometimes we have to be reminded of it. And so, you know, I think I mean, yeah, like, and the manager maybe doesn't have the desire or the skill set to provide that training. So people hire people to come in and just train people up on the basics. basic communication skills.

Craig Pretzinger: 8:24

It's like the gym, you could nobody needs to go to the gym, you could do push ups, sit ups and pull ups at home, and you'd be fine. Right? But okay, well, you're in the gym, but then you go to the gym, but I never go. So I need a trainer. The trainer is going to tell me this the exact thing I need to do that I can do all by myself, but I need to have somebody tell me,

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 8:45

I'm gonna say the same way. I'm like, why am I paying this guy? Oh, because I actually show up for and I'm seeing results

Craig Pretzinger: 8:54

when you pay you pay attention.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 8:57

And then not to think about it. I just go he changes the weights, he wipes off the seat for me. It's kind of nice, too. And I just do it right and get that treatment. And everybody has their skill set. So why not go to the experts for for their you know,

Jason Feltman: 9:11

whatever. 100% you're buying time, times everything.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 9:15

And I'm doing it. I'm actually showing up. Yeah, you

Craig Pretzinger: 9:18

get swole Yeah,

Jason Feltman: 9:21

crazy stuff training. I do. You're still going?

Craig Pretzinger: 9:24

Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I mean, I didn't go while I was gone, but Oh, that's right. I mean, I was paddling every day because I was out in big waves.

Jason Feltman: 9:33

So I wish everybody could see the way he just paddled.

Craig Pretzinger: 9:39

Well, there's stuff in the way I got to watch the YouTube clip if you want to see the pterodactyl.

Jason Feltman: 9:49

So let me ask you, what are some things what are some of the biggest needle movers for us as business owners to really make a change and I make some positive impact in our organization

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 10:04

in terms of just the best practices that people can do.

Jason Feltman: 10:10

Yeah. So I would say like, think about like an agency, you got your, your team, you have you, and then your clients and everything else, what are some of the like, some things that we can do to really just make the biggest impact? Yeah, in your opinion.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 10:28

So a couple of things. When I think about leadership, it's really important to be a good leader and model what you want other people to do. So I think that's really, really important. So we need good leaders in place. I think just having that continuing education on, not just insurance itself, but just as human beings being in the world together. So all these things that we're talking about today, you know, send people to trainings and conferences and have them come back and share out what they learned at their conference. It can, yeah, it could be an insurance conference. But you know, what else did you learn? I just, I speak at some HR conferences. I don't talk about HR, I talked about growth mindset. And so when people go and they they hear good speak, you're having them come back and share out and report back. I think providing mentors to people in the organization, maybe that are new or middle management, find them a really good mentor, either inside the organization, or outside the organization. I think, yes, just being a strong communicator, conflict management, I could go on and on and on and on. personal bias, know your bias under

Craig Pretzinger: 11:50

talk about that.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 11:51

personal bias? Yeah. Well, we know what we like and what we don't like, we tend to seek out people who agree with us for shopping. What What if I, and most people again, don't like conflict, so they don't want to engage in conversations where they might find themselves in a situation where they don't know how to handle conflict. And I don't mean like, you know, throwing fists, I just mean, like, a debate. And so, you know, I know my biases, but I'm still willing to let that person sit across from me, and vent to me and just kind of go off on whatever tangent they're going through in that moment. I don't have to agree with them. But I can listen, I can be a really good listener. And usually, when people leave my office, they come in with a problem. They do most of the talking, I do a lot of nodding. And like that nonverbal communication, and then they leave. And they're like the guy, the bartender. I mean, they're like, healed, they feel so much better, and they have a better outlook. So it's, again, just being open minded, and not agreeing, but having enough respect for that person to let them share what they want to say. You don't have to argue with them. You don't have to prove them, right? Or convince them to think your way, you know,

Craig Pretzinger: 13:20

it seems like women are better at this, right? And I'm curious for the insurance dudes out there. Like, how could we get better at not trying to solve the problem? Like it's it's all we do all day long, we get home and we hear, you know, all my day was popping up. And I like boop, boop, boop, all the solutions popped into my head, I might just do this, this and this. Let me go do go. Let me go swimming, you know, and

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 13:48

communication. 101? Um, yes. And generally speaking, I mean, we can't lump everybody together anymore. But generally speaking, women want to vent. And literally, you could sit there and say nothing. But let us vent. If it's 20 or 30 minutes, I'm sorry, you're just going to sit there and shake your head. And we don't expect men to solve our problems. Men think we're coming to them because we want them to solve our problems. So what I tell my guy friends, you know, I just need to vent. But I don't need you to fix this. And they're like, thank you. Okay, I can do that. I can just sit here and just shake their head. Hey,

Craig Pretzinger: 14:33

that would be so helpful. Now, I

Jason Feltman: 14:35

know. I wish that every conversation started like

Craig Pretzinger: 14:38

that, because sometimes they'll say, Wait, do you just need me to listen or do you but then that's a bad question. Because now it's like, well, you don't know me. I don't

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 14:48

know. Mind reader. I don't really know dear what you're what you're thinking in this moment. But that's amazing, asking, you know, just for clarification, do you need me to solve is or can I just be a good ear right now. And then that lets you off the hook right, then you don't have to think about all the ways to fix it.

Craig Pretzinger: 15:07

Literally, you don't have to even listen, really. I mean, you have to nod and stuff and make noises.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 15:15

Listen, but I understand also that women, we like to give a lot of detail and

Craig Pretzinger: 15:20

zone out of

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 15:22

the background and like 10 years worth of history, before we get to the point, men tend to be very, very direct, and just like spit it out. So again, learning the different communication styles of the people that you're with, is great. So if you're, you know, if somebody said, No, I just, I just want to get this off my chest, you'd be like, Okay, great. Go for it.

Jason Feltman: 15:42

Craig, I would go with the default of listening. Just if you have to default to something, just to see them. That must be tough.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 15:53

There you go. Look

Craig Pretzinger: 15:54

at that. When I say that must be tough, or That sure sounds hard. I feel like I'm not being genuine. Oh, no, no, no, I think it just feels weird coming out.

Jason Feltman: 16:05

Well, you're gonna feel a lot better in five minutes. When you're not getting yelled at.

Craig Pretzinger: 16:10

It would feel nice.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 16:12

The more you practicing stuff like that, the more it will feel genuine. I could see how that would be genuine to her. She's like, whoa, who are you like, you actually care about what I'm feeling and thinking? Wow, thanks for sharing that. Yeah. So I mean, not fake it till you make it but practicing and it'll become more natural.

Jason Feltman: 16:34

It's like a reverse sale. Craig, you have to act like a salesperson, you have to peel the onion. So, so don't even stop there. See, that must be tough. And then ask a question about it.

Craig Pretzinger: 16:46

Don't think she likes the question. She doesn't want to go deeper? I don't know. Maybe?

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 16:50

Well, I just the nonverbal and I agree. It can be like, oh, oh, yeah, that sounds rough. Like, oh, I do this with my, my 17 year old daughter. And she's, you know, going about her 17 year old gossip and draw in this one is a nice one. And I'm like, Oh, wow, that very nice of her. Was it like, oh my gosh, wow, that sucks. And I'm just like, agreeing with her. And again, she walks away. She's all better. I didn't have to solve anything.

Jason Feltman: 17:22

That's awesome. And then she also didn't lock her door saying you can't come in.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 17:26

Right? It encourages communication because she knows her or why did you say this? Or why did you say that? Which Trust me, I want to give her advice. Yeah, there's

Craig Pretzinger: 17:35

so many better things than the way that it's being done. Like I see so many inefficiencies. That's why I tried to solve it. No,

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 17:42

not your job. Your job is to listen in that moment. If she comes to you and says, Can you help me figure this out? Great. Now there's your cue. Yeah. Otherwise, it's just listening, active listening? Don't do that?

Craig Pretzinger: 18:00

Could I solve it but not tell you I'll just put it in a note and put it over in this pile? And then, you know,

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 18:06

you don't even have to waste the brain cells, you don't even have to think about it help it? Because they don't want the year. Right. Same goes for insurance. I don't know. Not insurance.

Jason Feltman: 18:20

Is there anything we didn't talk about that you want to talk about?

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 18:25

We've talked about a lot, this has been a good conversation. Great. Um, I think just again, you know, as we're approaching some crazy times, social media is accountable for 29% of civil discourse that we can be for behind the screen and nobody can see us, would you say that same thing to somebody's face, like we talked about earlier. So if you wouldn't say it to their face, and don't say it behind their back or don't say it on social media. Because that's a big culprit of people, just not being very civil to each other, about, you know, peace and harmony, and let's just all get along and work together. And at the end of the day, we'd go home and not think about it. But when we're together, we have to be the best version of ourselves that we can be

Craig Pretzinger: 19:16

love. It is awesome.

Jason Feltman: 19:18

It's funny, I'm the opposite. Like I I won't say anything on social media, because I know like, it's gonna be taken the wrong way. Especially I would just make fun of or joke or you know what I mean? Like, be careful. Yeah, yeah, I'm not.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 19:33

I don't, I don't engage either. But you know, those keyboard warriors that will Yeah. And you're like, Oh, my God, really? You just said that? Well, they're brave. They're brave. They're, they don't have to look at somebody in the eye when they say it.

Jason Feltman: 19:46

There's some deep stuff going on. If you're doing that out there. There's some deep stuff going on. Get some help.

Craig Pretzinger: 19:51

Haters gonna hate. Haters gonna hate. Yeah, when I see the hater comments, I just put the little Haters gonna hate Get up. Oh, a roller skating. I genuinely

Jason Feltman: 20:04

love it. I love the hater comments. I think there's so fun. Somebody said something about my, how can I even listen to you with the silly hair? And I was like, Dude, you just listen to me

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 20:16

read and define to find the sunshine are, you know? Yeah, good in something bad. Yeah, like picking up a little. It's hard. That's yeah.

Craig Pretzinger: 20:26

Well, it's funny. They'll trash it. But they they listened. They did listen to the best part. Yeah, it's like, well, you could have turned it off. But you actually took the time you spent time on us. So thank you.

Jason Feltman: 20:39

It's like the ultimate I gotcha.

Craig Pretzinger: 20:41

Taking the time. Exactly. Well, if any, so for the listeners that are going to go find you, where can they find you? And would be the easiest way to connect?

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 20:53

Yeah, so my website is Laurie morocco.com. And then you can find me on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, all under Laurie, Morocco, PhD, or Dr. Laurie Morocco. Okay. Yep. Always posting good tips and tricks and practical advice. And so I would love for you to follow me and connect if you ever need somebody to talk to

Craig Pretzinger: 21:16

awesome, and the links will be below. So just go and click the link. It'll take you over to her page and you can get there so well. Awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, that's been great.

Dr. Laurie Moroco: 21:29

Thank you. It's been really fun and we appreciate great conversation. All right, you