SPEAKER_01 0:00

This server was just really, really rude to me and I've said, you look really frustrated. Are you having a bad day? A kind of fun and crazy story. Had a client here in the United States. Most recently I made a house call to see her. I got on a plane, I flew all the way to Italy. Now it's actually my What was going through your mind? What was going through my mind is knowing our own personal biases. You were voting for this person, I'm voting for this person, but how can we put those differences aside and still come together? When I teach the communication model, sender, message, channel, receiver, feedback, noise.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

So you got your message out and you realize there's your team that you're talking to, and then there's the clients that you have and the clients that you want.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

I ask my students all the time in the class, why are we nicer to strangers at the grocery store than we are to our own loved ones?

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Somebody said something about my I even listened to you with the silly hair, and I was like, dude, you just listen to me.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

This stuff is so powerful. Communication, right? And communication is the root of many issues in everything. When I see the hater comments, I just put the little haters going, hey, love it. I love the hater comments.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

We fluff. Nope, nope, nope, just real world stuff. That's legit.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

So a kind of fun and crazy story that recently happened to me is that um I had a client here in the United States and I coached her for a while. And most recently, I made a house call to see her. And the house call was actually in Italy. So, yes, I got on a plane, I flew all the way to Italy to meet with my coaching client who now is actually my business partner. So we have two things going on. Um, I'm her coaching, her coach, and I'm also a business partner with her.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

So my name is Lori Morocco, and I'm an honorary insurance dudette.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Boom! Whoa, that is awesome. You never know what's gonna be on the other end of a of a crazy request or potentially interesting idea. How did it lead to that? Like how what was going through your mind?

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Well, um, what was going through my mind is wow, this is a really big house call. I mean, yeah, I'll meet with people for coffee at the local coffee shop down the street, but to get on a plane and fly to Italy to meet with somebody, okay, why not? I mean, that's good. Plus, we were working on our our business venture together over there, so it kind of just worked out that we could do both at the same time. But that's the biggest house call I've ever made for a coaching client. And I will go anywhere, all over the world for my clients.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Yeah. Have you ever been to Italy prior?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yes, about 15 times.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

So it wasn't a stretch to make me get you like, well, I'll go there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

I haven't lived in Italy, Italy.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

It's on my hit list.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

It's on my list.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

Italy, Spain. I just did Portugal for a month, and that was phenomenal.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Yeah, Spain and Italy are the next next ones, I think.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

I'll hook you up. Let me know if you need traveling.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

I like it.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

I like it. I I'm in California, and I just happened to get a business partner that was in Arizona. I wish mine was in uh Italy. But now he's he's international, so there might be maybe it maybe I will be in Italy.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

First thing ever. Do what you gotta do for your clients.

SPEAKER_04 3:42

Yeah. So why don't you talk a little bit about your background, how you got to where you are, and and let's just let's just dive in.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Okay, so my background has been in higher education since well, a really, really, really long time ago, 20 plus years. I started um at a college in western Pennsylvania, tenured professor, um, chair of the department. Then I moved to Colorado with my family to try it for a year. And most people that try living in the mountains of Breckenridge never really leave. So I was teaching at a college out here. I became a dean of the college, and I thought, well, I kind of need my own gig. Like I need my own side hustle. And so I thought, well, I teach people about business and communication in the classroom, but I would love to take that knowledge and give it to people in the workforce or in the business world. And so I started coaching. Uh, I started coaching women who were starting businesses. And then most recently, and interestingly enough, my niche has kind of found me. Um, and that is really women in career transition, and they don't have the assertiveness or the confidence to make that change. And so I'm kind of like, you can do this, you can do this. And we kind of go through all the different feelings and how to get to where they want to be, and we network, and so it's been really, really exciting.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

How do you navigate that? We all go through that feeling of, you know, I don't know where I am. Like, where do I want to be? Um, to get how I mean, how do you get that definiteness?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Well, I think what I do is I I build relationships with my clients. So I almost become friends with them and I get really, really invested in their lives as much as they want me to be. And so it's like I'm talking to my friend and I really kind of approach it from that angle, okay, well, what is your skill set? And what do you really want to do in life? If you can do anything. So I encourage big picture thinking, and then I really get a feel for what they're passionate about, and then we start talking about okay, well, if this is where you want to be and this is where you are, what are the things we have to do to get there? And we just make a plan. Um, I become their accountability partner, I check in with them. How's it going? You know, weekly meetings. And so it's kind of just a really fun journey that that we go through together, and then they realize this is really what I want to do in life, and I'm gonna do it. And I'm kind of like, yeah, you can do it. So that's sort of the journey that we take.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

So transitioning from because you're no longer in the higher education.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

I still am. Well, you still are it's my uh that's I mean, my heart really is in higher ed. I just see both.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Okay. So, what how how do you see the difference in receptiveness of the information in the real world versus in the what some call the ivory tower?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Yeah, so I think in higher ed we tend to be more theory-based and we're you know professing all this great knowledge and that they may or may never use again. But in the real world, I can kind of take that theory that I know and that I've researched, but make it practical. So, my my whole thing about teaching, no matter where I'm teaching, is praxis or theory-informed action. So I can give you the theory, but let me show you how you implement that in real life and how you can make it work for you. And I always say, I'm giving you tools for your tool belt so that you can take these essential skills and use them in real life. So I have a little formula for having an assertive conversation and conflict management. A lot of people don't like conflict, but here's how you can address that in an assertive manner. So I give them really practical tips, which you know, not so much in higher ed if you're in a philosophy class or something.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Is it because of like Maslow's hierarchy of need where it's like people are just more?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yeah, self-actualization type. Let's make you the best version of yourself, and what does that look like to you? And really, it's kind of defined by every woman on her own terms. I mostly work with women. Um, not to say I would never work with a man, but it's just I feel like women really, really need that support system, and we become this like sisterhood and girl power and everything. So um yeah, it's it's fun to sort of work in that in that arena. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 8:10

That's so I saw you have something in common with Jason. You have four kids. I do, and you're a dean, and you're ready to coach a business.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

With some other things thrown, I have some other hats thrown in there, but yeah. How I think when you have four kids, you can do anything, right? Like you just can like do a million, you can have a million balls in the air. And I think it's just started from I was having this conversation the other day with my coworker, and she's like, How did you like how did you do it? Because she's a young mom, and I'm, you know, not a young mom anymore. And uh I was like, you know what, I just wanted it all. Like I didn't want to make any sacrifices. I wanted to get my PhD when I had an infant and a two-year-old, and I wanted a big family. So I had, you know, kids during my PhD program, graduated with four, started with two, and I want, I just want everything. I just want it all. And I'm pretty um when I put my mind to something, I I can do it. And I like to be busy and I like creative outlets. So someday I'll slow down, but not for a while.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Yeah, it's funny, like when you get to that many kids and stuff, like there's it's like what's what's something else? Like, there's so much stuff going on. It's like what's what's something else? Like you just kind of move stuff around and yeah, and then they get older, so mine are in their 20s, so they're adulting.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

So I'm like, oh, I have all this extra time. I can like start new businesses, or you know, you just keep replacing things.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

The everybody has the same number of hours in the week, right? 168 hours, and so it's it's interesting how one can say, I want it all, I'm gonna do it all, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a PhD and have kids at the same time and do all this, and then others could use, oh, I oh, I got pregnant, or we're having kids, and and now I'm done with I can't I can't pursue that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Exactly. And no judgment. I mean, right who whatever you need to do to be happy and fulfilled in life, do it. I mean, I never judged my friends who who wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. That just wasn't for me. I tried it for a year and I was like, new, this is too hard. I I need to go to work. Um, you know, so it's whatever works again.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Yeah, I feel like people will have would they come up with the reasons. It's easy as humans to to to when something an obstacle comes in the way to use it as the excuse to not keep going forward and just lame instead of oh, well, you know, it probably can be done because it has been done, and you've proven that it can be done.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

So so I have to say that's that's kind of a frustration for me is when I have these super talented women and they have these goals, and I know they can do them, and I kind of give them the recipe for it, and they're just like, I'll be like, Did you do that one thing? No, I'm like, okay, like I can't force people to do things, I can give them the the tools, but if they don't want to do it, it's really hard to step back and like probably like a doctor, right? Like you tell your patients to eat healthy and don't smoke and don't abuse anything, and they do it anyway, and you're like, Well, I like I They're out of Vegas every weekend. Yeah, like I know what you need to do, but only you can do that. So that's hard for me. I have to be like, okay, not my life. This in her time, she'll do it.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

Right. It's the action, right? It just requires the action. And I think a lot of times it's hard to just get the first foot past the obstacle and keep going.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Oh, motivation. I mean, every day you have to do something to stay motivated if you're gonna have a business or or work toward a new career goal or whatever that is, an email a day or LinkedIn, whatever. Yeah, one foot in front of the other every day.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

So I wanted to ask you a few questions about an insurance agency. You have so much knowledge with coaching, and and I mean, essentially that's what we do with our teams, right? And and we try to get the best out of them for for themselves, but for our agencies as well. Um, like how do you uh create a workplace culture of acceptance and all the different viewpoints that you might have in an agency?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Interestingly, I have a little bit of knowledge of the insurance industry from a business perspective, and I what I keep hearing over and over and over again is there's this like power struggle almost between um people, and so it's it's like this conflict resolution. Um what they're looking for, I think, is is what I've heard actually from the ones that I've dealt with. And so, you know, I think there's some skills and some tools that people can use if they're in a workplace with people that have different opinions and different um objectives and and different perspectives and biases. And so, you know, in a nutshell, to me, what it comes down to is just being civil, kind people with one another. And I and I lately have been doing a lot of keynotes on civil discourse and what that looks like in the organization. I mean, we've had a lot of things happen in the past four years. There's more big things happening that can divide people at work. I mean, we went, we went through, you know, a contentious election, you know, four years almost four years ago. We went through a pandemic, we're about to enter another contentious election. And so things like politics and just social media and all these things get in the way of people's perspective and and their the way they treat other people. And so I think there's some things we can do and say dealing with communication and around communication.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

And what would those what are some things that you that that would help? Because that's definitely something that's needed. Um, and I think you're right, like there's been a lot going on, and I it's almost like we've been trained to be more sensitive in a way too. It's almost like things can be taken incorrectly a lot. So now there's like multiple levels of problems that can arise between staff members and team members.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Oh, absolutely. Well, for instance, I like to tell my clients when I'm, you know, coming in and doing consulting or coaching for organizations. We've heard of this idea of a safe space, right? Where, you know, in higher ed we'll put these little um triangle rainbow stickers on our door, and that means safe space. Come in, it's safe. Like I'm gonna support you. And that's yes, everybody needs a support system. But what I like to talk about is a brave space. So I'll invite you into my safe space, but also I'm gonna push you a little bit. I'm gonna ask you things that might be uncomfortable because I want to have a dialogue with you. Um, I want to see your perspective on something. A safe space is very polite. And we're we just like, oh yeah, you're right, you're right. But a brave space is like, tell me more about that. Um, I want to know more. I don't agree with that, but I want to know where you're coming from so that we can then find common ground and meet in the middle, put our differences aside and still focus on the task at work, whatever that is. Knowing our own personal biases and knowing that, okay, I have a bias against this, but I can't let that get in the way. You know, you you are voting for this person, I'm voting for this person, but how can we put those differences aside and still come together? So, again, it's that common ground, um, being open-minded, um, being tolerant, being respectful, supportive, again, being brave, being a really good listener.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

Um a big word comes to my mind that starts with an E.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

E. I can think of a lot of E words.

SPEAKER_04 16:15

And it rhymes with sympathy.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Oh, I'm empathy, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:22

Right, being empathetic.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

I guess they rhyme a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

Close enough. I mean, uh not not for the dean's list, but yes, I I mean for me it's close enough.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

They rhyme, they rhyme in our world.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

Yeah, we're in the insurance world, it's like fuzzy, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, yeah. Empathy, absolutely, you know, and speaking of that, I was having another conversation the other day with somebody, like, yeah, like this this server was just really, really rude to me, and they're not getting a good tip. And I said, Have you ever asked the person? Because I've done this, and I've said, You look really frustrated. Are are you having a bad day? And I was not being a jerk about it. Like, I really wanted to know, like, what's going on? Because you something's off right now with with you. And um, they're like, Yeah, actually, this was a complete stranger, bartender. It's like now that you mention it, yeah, like it's been a really bad day, and this and this, and I'm like, and then he walked away and came back and he was a new person. So yeah, like being generally interested in people and what's going on in their world because you never know what's happening that could be causing conflict in other aspects of their life.

SPEAKER_04 17:36

So, what do you think prevents people? Because that's a rare thing for somebody to do what you you just said you did, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:44

I had to be brave. I've never done that before.

SPEAKER_04 17:48

That one time. So, like, were you what was your fear?

SPEAKER_01 17:52

I didn't have oh, prior to that or saying it at that time, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:58

You had to overcome some kind of fear to be brave, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Oh, I did. I you know, I think with age comes wisdom and maybe less caring. I mean, think about you know, our grandparents who have no filters, and you're like, wow, granny just goes off and says whatever she wants.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

She says every word that you're not allowed to say anymore.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

I think it's a little bit of that, like, you know what? I I just I'm just gonna call you out in a nice way, in a respectful way. I I'm gonna so it just took me years, and I was not an assertive young woman at all. And you know what clicked, I don't know. Um, I I guess it's just experience and and wisdom and knowledge and realizing, you know, I've nothing to lose, like whatever. If somebody challenges me, I have the skills to engage them in an effective dialogue, not an argument, but but a dialogue.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

It's funny that like everything that we deal with with emotions really is just a reflection of ourselves. You know, so it's like a lot of what I see in like let's say an agency customer gets upset, uh, agent starts talking to them, they already think where the conversation's going and they make it happen. Like it literally happens because they treat the situation with the future outcome of and so like they literally create that situation to come about. And it it is it's funny, like when you're saying that, it's like when we're young, we just we're so reactive, but as we get older, we just we understand a little bit more, some of us more than others. Um definitely yeah, not me. That it's like yeah, it's like we kind of almost self-sabotage ourselves when it comes to the self-fulfilling prophecy, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Yes, yes, and it's also having the emotional intelligence to know and to be able to read the room and to be to know your own emotional intelligence and say, okay, I know what I'm doing right now. I'm sabotaging myself. Yes, I need to stop that. So being aware of what goes through our minds, and another interesting little fun fact about communication is that um our brains are like you know, these computers and they can process information so quickly that you know you're you you have probably already moved on to your next thought, and I'm still talking. It's because we process so quickly, and we do that in conversations. We're already thinking ahead, like, well, I'm gonna say this. I'm and it's like, but you didn't even hear what I was saying because you were thinking, and that's normal, but that's when we have to be mindful and direct ourselves back to the conversation at hand.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

So I just did that the other day um with one of my team members. Is I was like, it looks like you don't like what I said. You kind of went like this when I said that. I'm all well, how do you feel? Like, is it that is that like where are you at? And then you know, she told me and stuff, but like it was it's so much more helpful to to come at it from that place. Like what I'm interpreting isn't the right thing, it's because I've known her for a for a long time, so I know that it's like what I'm thinking that uh uh they're thinking is not right, so like there's a disconnect. So it's like put the put the words where where where I need to be, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

I love that you checked in. So standard, here's my professor hat. Okay. Um, when I teach the communication model, you know, it's sender, message, channel, receiver, feedback, noise. So you got your message out and you realized by her feedback that something was off, and you checked in. And if you hadn't checked in and you just kept going, you never would have had that information.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

True.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

So paying attention to people's non Verbal communication, how did they receive that? Do I need to to paraphrase? So meta communication, what or paraphrasing? What what I think I heard you say was this. Or is am I are we on the same page? Kind of like you did. I think that's amazing. Good job.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Well, and it's funny because I'll I can do that with somebody that's um more sensitive. But if I don't feel that they're more sensitive, yeah, then I don't do that. Like I will just uh it's like the opposite. And then like for some reason, I've been with my wife for 19 years, but like I'm the worst with my wife with that.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Well, that's because we a whole nother.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Why is that though?

SPEAKER_04 22:45

Why is it upon all of the issues that have happened all in the and it just keeps stacking until all the stuff underneath has been addressed?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

And yeah, we call that gunny sacking or kitchen sinking in the academic world, very technical terms there. It's true. Um, yeah, so so many things are going on in my mind right now. The reason we do it, and I ask my students all the time in the classroom, why are we nicer to strangers at the grocery store than we are to our own loved ones? And it's like because you know, you know, you're well well, the people in the grocery store are much nicer than our loved ones, obviously.

SPEAKER_04 23:23

No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

For some reason, we just want to say face with people that we don't know, and we um generally our family won't leave, even if we have fights with them, we know they're still gonna be there tomorrow, generally speaking, and so they're kind of like that's our release. Like we I read a statistic the other day about kids and they come home from school and they dump all over their moms because it's a safe space, and they can kind of like let loose the whole gun sack or kitchen sink, like throw everything out like that happened that day. And and the mom's like, okay, like it's just my toddler, it's cool, they're having a temper tantrum. So it's kind of the same way with adults and loved ones, like you're just gonna unleash on your wife because you know you can, right? Like it may not be the most effective form of communication, but in the end, you you know, you'll get over it and and everything will be fine.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

But um curb that how do you curb the cycle?

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Oh my gosh. Um, a lot therapy's because I'm sure a lot of agents do this, right?

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah, I think it's um always starting, so I can give you the little assertion message if you want, my little technique. So it's Knowledge Nugget. Yeah, knowledge nugget. It's uh it's called Bolton's three-part assertion message. I did not invent this, but I use it all the time and give credit to Bolton.

SPEAKER_04 24:47

Well, we'll give credit to you.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Okay, it's so it's three simple sentences, and you already said it. I feel or I think whatever, you know. So if I were your wife, I'd be like, you know, I really am frustrated. And then the second part is when you, when you come home and just dump all over me because I really don't deserve that, and I want to be treated the way you treat other people. So it's I feel when you because, and that generally tends to work and diffuse the situation and make people less defensive because you're owning your feelings.

SPEAKER_04 25:26

Yeah, they can't take your feelings away from you. You feel the way you feel aren't wrong.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

I would say you can't tell me that my feelings are wrong or that I didn't feel that way. Like, I really do feel that way.

SPEAKER_04 25:36

Well, what's interesting though is like this stuff is so powerful communication, right? And communication is the root of many issues in everything, right? Whether it's the spouse or in in business, like we send the message, but it doesn't get received the right way, and then or it doesn't get received in the way that we intended it to be received, and now it blows up. Yeah, and what's interesting, and I I mean, I look back to to college and then business school, like I think I had one communication class, one right, and we didn't even pay attention because everybody's like, Oh, it's communications, okay, right? Really, at the end of the day, it could be the most powerful course that you have. Because I don't, I mean, do I remember my internet marketing class from 2000? Was it does it even apply now? No, right? Like, none of the stuff really applies, any of the crap, right? Maybe the math, and yeah, okay, so some of it's important, but but we don't teach emotion, we don't teach emotional intelligence, we don't teach any of these things that are probably the most important tools for sales, for interacting in relationships, and for just operating.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Well, true. I don't know why if you look at job ads, like 95% of them ask for excellent written and communication skills, and that's not in there as filler. That's regardless of what I I another thing I do is I ask people, well, you know, you're taking this communication class. How many of you think you need this? You know, how many of you are gonna go into a job where you think you will never need to communicate? And everybody was like, No, I'm done. So I'm like, okay, if you do a presentation, you need public speaking skills, communication. If you're in sales, you need a persuasion class, communication, you know, and I could go on and on and on about it. But yeah, conflict management and relationship working with people is tricky. I mean, even if you're working remote and you're behind your computer, you're still probably communicating with somebody on the other side.

SPEAKER_04 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

So I feel like it's the most important skill ever, but I I don't know. Thank you for acknowledging that it's important.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

You know, it's the root, right? It's the root of so many issues because we're trained, everything's trained on the left brain, unless you're an artist or something, right? Or musician. But like we don't do any work on the right brain, on the right side. It's just it's fascinating. Like, why wouldn't we work on the thing that is actually probably the most important? The left side wasn't even developed. It's like this is new, right? Like the rest of it is is like the true essence.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Absolutely. And if we want to have the best relationships we can personally and professionally, it's a constant state of just working on it, like we're always evolving.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

As so there's the issue, right? It's constant work, it is work.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

We get lazy.

SPEAKER_04 28:26

We want instant gratification. You don't get instant gratification if you have to constantly work. So you got to train yourself.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

It is funny because we had Dr. Nicole Price on uh last episode about um empathy, and we're just diving a little bit more into uh communication and just really like thinking about this stuff because like a, we talk to ourselves in our head a lot. We do, right? There we say a lot of bad stuff to ourselves. That's what I was gonna say. It's like it's shocking some of the stuff that if you really think about it that you would you would never say that to another person, but you say, Oh, I suck at this. Well, tell somebody else they suck at that. How would that be gonna feel?

SPEAKER_01 29:16

You would never, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

And so there's that then there's your team that you're talking to daily, and then there's the clients that you have and the clients that you want. Right like that's that's that sums up everything at business minus minus the process or the product that you might have, but like right it's the and it's also the hardest thing to navigate. And like if we get that right and we fo we put more energy and focus, we're exponentially gonna be better at our business.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

And the more you know, the better you can be. And I think that's why people bring in people like me because we intuitively we know that, but sometimes we have to be reminded of it. And so, you know, I think I mean, yeah, like and the manager maybe doesn't have the desire or the skill set to provide that training, so you know, people hire people to come in and just train people up on the basics, right? Basic communication skills.

SPEAKER_04 30:24

It's like the gym. I don't even necessarily nobody needs to go to the gym. You could do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups at home, and you'd be fine, right? But okay, but well to the gym, but then you go to the gym, but I never go, so I need a trainer. The trainer is gonna tell me this the exact thing that I need to do that I can do all by myself, but I need to have somebody tell me.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

I'm the same. I am the same way. I'm like, why am I paying this guy? Oh, because I actually show up as the expert, and I'm seeing results when you pay, you pay attention, and I don't have to think about it. I just go, he changes the weights, he wipes off the seat for me.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

That's kind of nice too.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

And I just do it, right? I don't get that treatment about it, and everybody has their skill set, so why not go to the experts for for their you know, whatever 100%? You're buying time, time's everything, and I'm doing it, I'm actually showing up, yeah, and you get swole, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

So let me ask you, what are some things, what are some of the biggest needle movers for us as business owners to to really make a change and uh make some positive impact in our organization?

SPEAKER_01 31:36

So a couple of things. When I think about leadership, um, it's really important to be a good leader and model what you want other people to do. So I think that's really, really important. So we need good leaders in place. Um, I think just having that continuing education on not just insurance itself, but just as human beings, being in the world together. So all these things that we're talking about today, you know, send people to trainings and conferences and have them come back and share out what they learned at their conference. It could, yeah, it could be an insurance conference, but you know, what else did you learn? I just I speak at some HR conferences. I don't talk about HR, I talked about growth mindset. And so when people go and they and they hear a good speaker, have them come back and share out and report back. Um, I think providing mentors to people in the organization, maybe that are new or middle management, find them a really good mentor, either inside the organization or outside the organization. Um, I think, yes, just being a strong communicator, um, conflict management. I could go on and on and on and on. Personal bias, know your bias.

SPEAKER_04 32:56

Talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Personal bias.

SPEAKER_04 32:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

We know what we like and what we don't like. We tend to seek out people who agree with us. But what if I, and most people again don't like conflict, so they don't want to engage in conversations where they might find themselves in a situation where they don't know how to handle conflict. And conflict, I don't mean like, you know, throwing fists, I just mean like a debate. And so, um, you know, I know my biases, but I'm still willing to let that person sit across from me and vent to me and just kind of go off on whatever tangent they're going through in that moment. I don't have to agree with them, um, but I can listen, I can be a really good listener. And usually when people leave my office, they come in with a problem, they do most of the talking. I do a lot of nodding and like that nonverbal communication, and then they leave and they're like the guy, the bartender. I mean, they're like healed, they feel so much better and they have a better outlook. So it's again just being open-minded and not agreeing, but having enough respect for that person to let them share what they want to say. You don't have to argue with them, you don't have to try to prove them right or convince them to think your way. You don't.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

It seems like women are better at this, right? And and I'm curious for the insurance dudes out there, like, how can we get better at not trying to solve the problem? Like, it's oh my god, it's all we do all day long. We get home and we hear, you know, oh, my day was bop bad, bad. And I and I like boop, boop, boop, all the solutions pop into my head. I'm like, well, that's easy, just do this, this, and this. Okay. Problem solved.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Let me go do, go, let me go swimming, you know, and communication 101, right? Um, yes. And generally speaking, I mean, we can't lump everybody together anymore, but generally speaking, women want to vent. And literally, you could sit there and say nothing, but let us vent if it's 20 or 30 minutes. I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to sit there and shake your head. Um, we don't expect men to solve our problems. Men think we're coming to them because we want them to solve our problems. So, what I tell my guy friends, you know, I I just need to vent, but I don't need you to fix this. And they're like, whoo, thank you. Okay, I can do that. I can just sit here and they just shake their head.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

That would be so helpful. Yeah, I know. I wish that every conversation started like that.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

Because sometimes I'll say, wait, do you just need me to listen? Or do you but then that's a bad question because now it's like, well, you don't know me?

SPEAKER_01 35:58

I'm not a mind reader, I don't really know, dear, what you're what you're thinking in this moment, but that's amazing. Asking, you know, just for clarification, do you need me to solve this, or can I just be a uh a good ear right now? And then that lets you off the hook, right? Then you don't have to think about all the ways to fix it.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Literally, you don't have to even listen, really. You I mean you well, you have to nod and stuff and make noises.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

I mean, you could listen, but I understand also that women we like to give a lot of detail and go. If I'd zone out a bit earlier, all the background and like 10 years worth of history before we get to the point. Men tend to be very, very direct and just like spit it out. So again, learning the different communication styles of the people that you're with is great. So if you're you know, if somebody said, Nope, I just I just want to get this off my chest, you'd be like, Okay, great, go for it.

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Yeah, Craig, I would go with the default of listening. Just if you have to default to something, just say just say that that must be tough.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

There you go. Look at that emotion.

SPEAKER_04 37:05

See, when I say that must be tough, or oh, that sure sounds hard. I feel like I'm not being genuine.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Oh no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

I think it is just feels weird coming out. Well, you're gonna feel a lot better in five minutes when you're not getting yelled at.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

That would feel nice.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

So the more you practice saying stuff like that, the more it will feel genuine.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

I can see how that would be genuine.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

To her, she's like, Whoa, who are you? Like, you actually care about what I'm feeling and thinking. Wow, thanks for sharing that. Yeah, so I mean, not fake it till you make it, but practice saying it and it'll become more natural.

SPEAKER_03 37:43

It's like a reverse sale, Craig. You have to act like a salesperson, you have to peel the onion. So don't even stop there. So that must be tough, and then ask a question about it.

SPEAKER_04 37:55

I don't think she likes the questions, she doesn't want to go deeper. I don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

I do this with my my 17-year-old daughter, and she's you know, going about her 17-year-old gossip and drawing then this one, this, then this one, and I'll be like, oh wow, that was very nice of her, was it? Like, oh my gosh, wow, that sucks. And I'm just like agreeing with her, and again, she walks away, she's all better. I didn't have to solve anything.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

That's awesome. And then she also didn't lock her door saying you can't come in, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:28

It encourages communication because she knows I'm not gonna judge her, or well, why didn't you say this, or why didn't you say that? Which trust me, I want to give her advice.

SPEAKER_04 38:36

But I'm like, Yeah, there's so many better things than than the way that it's being done. Like, I see so many inefficiencies, that's why I try to solve it.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

No, not your job. Your job is to listen in that moment. If she comes to you and says, Can you help me figure this out? Great, now there's your cue. Yeah, otherwise, it's just listen active listening.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

I think this is the don't do that.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

Could I solve it, but not tell you? I'll just put it in a note and put it over in this pile, and then you know.

SPEAKER_01 39:08

You don't even have to waste the brain cells, you you don't even have to think about it.

SPEAKER_04 39:12

I can't help it.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

If they don't want the yeah, you're right, and save the brain cells for insurance. I don't know, something not insurance.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

Is there anything we didn't talk about that you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_01 39:25

Oh my gosh, we've talked about a lot. This has been a really good conversation, it's been great. Um, I think just again, you know, as we're approaching some crazy times, social media is accountable for 29% of civil discourse. Um, in terms that we can be, if we're behind a screen and nobody can see us, you know, would you say that same thing to somebody's face? Like we talked about earlier. So if you wouldn't say it to their face, then don't say it behind their back or don't say it on social media because that's a big culprit of people just not being very civil to each other. And I'm all about, you know, peace and harmony, and let's just all get along and work together. And at the end of the day, we can go home and and not think about it. But when we're together, we have to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

Love it.

SPEAKER_04 40:18

That is awesome.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

It's funny, I'm the opposite. Like, I I won't say anything on social media because I know like it's gonna be taken the wrong the wrong way, especially I would just make fun of or joke, or you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 40:34

Like, be careful, yeah. Yeah, I'm not I don't I don't engage either, but you know those keyboard warriors that will they'll just yeah, whatever that's remarkable comments, and you're like, Oh my god, really? You just said that. Well, they're brave, they're brave, they're they don't have to look at somebody in the eye when they say it.

SPEAKER_03 40:49

Yeah, there's some deep stuff going on. If you're doing that out there, there's some deep stuff going on. Get some help. Don't don't be don't be uh hiding, say it, say it out loud.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Haters gonna hate. Haters gonna hate.

SPEAKER_03 41:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

When when I see the hater comments, I just put the little haters gonna hate gif up and you know roller skating.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

I genuinely love it. I love the hater comments. I think they're so funny. Somebody said something about my how can they I even listen to you with the silly hair, and I was like, dude, you just listen to me.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

That's a good way to spit it and to find to find the sunshine or you know, yeah, the good and something bad. Yeah, like thicken up a little. It's it's hard. That's yeah, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:37

Well, it's funny they'll trash it, but they they listened.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

They did listen.

SPEAKER_04 41:41

That's the best part. Yeah, it's like well, oh you could have turned it off, but you actually took your time, you spent time on us. So thank you. So for the listeners that are gonna go find you, where can they find you? And um it would be the easiest way to connect.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Yeah, so my website um is laurymorocco.com. And then you can find me on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, all under Laurie Morocco PhD or Dr. Laurie Morocco. Okay, and yep, always posting good tips and tricks and practical advice. And so I would love for you to follow me and connect if if you ever need somebody to talk to.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

Awesome. And the links will be below. So just uh go and click the link, it'll take you over to her page, and you can get there. So well, awesome! Thank you so much. Yeah, this has been great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

Thank you. It's been really fun and we appreciate you. Great conversations.

SPEAKER_04 42:39

Thank you.